PrincessLioness

今晚與一年長我7年的同性友人共進晚餐。

飯後，大家抒懷暢談。

 

她丈夫是超級忙碌公安戰線刑警大兵，她自己是超級忙碌愛心教育者。

但忙碌的同時，內心總有難以派遣的寂寞，加上天生好玩的個性，時常會呼朋喚伴出去耍樂，從而會碰撞到各式的男人。

有些是新相識，有些是舊朋友。

感覺對上了，就玩曖昧遊戲。

她說，這樣讓她覺得自己還年輕，還有被人仰慕的資本，并可以重溫戀愛的感覺。

“唉，人是永遠都贏不了時間的，你我總會老去。”

 

至於男人，天下烏鴉一樣黑，只是顏色深淺的區別。

出來工作一年多，已見識過不少齷齪的男人。

不滿足于幸福美好的家庭，硬要貪戀紅塵俗世的脂粉。

但多數都是清醒而卑鄙的，他們只是玩弄你，不會為你負責，甚至連金錢也吝嗇。

 

女人說男人賤。

但是，女人在男人的眼中又何嘗不賤？

只消一輛幾十萬的車，或是佯裝有點財氣，再加點甜言蜜語，就有女人自動過來獻媚了。

 

或許，無關愛情，無關肉欲，無關物質。

或許，只是因為孤寂得糾結。

或許，男色女色都是我們本能的需求。

 

但是，最近的我卻有點心如止水。

即便今晚不期然的接到張先生的電話，我也沒有了那時想調情的慾望。

今天轉部門了，開始在車間實習半個月，沒有一絲面對新挑戰的興奮，只是一味的厭工情緒氾濫。

皮膚很差，食量大增，缺乏睡眠，無節制地花錢。討厭這種狀態。

很想豪氣肝腸地炒老闆魷魚，然後放自己大假，去麗江獵艷。

但只是很想。

 

其實，最糾結的是我。

 

 

 

Flew to SH at 19th this month for China International Trade Fair for Apparel Fabrics and Accessories ( autumn & winter ).

Back to QY tonight, feel a little bit tired.

Look back the days in SH, I did widen my knowledge a lot, and start to get interested in yarn and fabrics.

I wanna hv a positional shift, from a secretary 2 a business sales, for a better salary and career.

But there is sth hard to explain makes me hesitant. Hope what I learned from the fair can help me make a decision.

 

Besides, I knew some big clients of my company.

What makes me surprised is that they r so young, most of them r just thirties or fourties.And they run business with their own characteristics.

For example, Sxxxxn has very strong R&D capability, so they don't need to find customers, they just wait 4 customers 2 buy their excellent products of denim. 

Pxxxxxxxxy's products r not so good, but they hv an energetic and outstanding marketing team and enjoy a good selling, etc.

I do really admire the chairman of these enterprises. All of them hv their own stories of success.

Now they r developing their next generation, their sons or daughters, to take over their business.

 

What's must be mentioned is that the little son of Chairman Zhan is very handsome and cute.

He is just 21 years old. I really like him. If I was not 4 years older than he, I would definitely hunt him, haha

But he has a big brother in Vancouver, perhaps I can transfer the target to his big brother, haha.

Chairman Wong of Hxxxxg's daughter and son r also funny guys.

Admire them hv such a good platform. I must work harder, harder, harder.

 

Had a good time on 22ed. It was my happiest day in SH.

Thank Kel 4 being an excellent guide 4 a whole night long.

He brought me 2 "Wu Yue People"(吳越人家). We had many delicacies there.

Did some shopping in Nanjing Road. I bought a gray dress in Me&City.  

Then took a walk along the Bund. Unfortunately, the Bund is being re-created. We didn't enjoy a very good scene.

 

The fair ended on 23rd. Took a great effort to Package all the things and consign them.

Had spare time, so just went out to hv fun.

Had dinner at GOURMET NOODLE HOUSE, ordered stewed duck with noodles soup,boiled needle mushroom with soy sauc, sauteed pea sprouts, steamed vegetarian

dumpling and steamed pork dumping with crab roe. Totally 5 dishes, all were really delicious. I sincerely recommend this restaurant.

Then did shopping in Huaihai Road.

I must point out that the service attitude of Sh's sales is very terrible, especially ZARA and H&M, which made me very angry.

 

Miss the chance 2 hv a drink in New World and No.18 of the Bund, looking forward to the next time.

c u, SH~

 

 

 

賤，果然系一種了不起嘅生活智慧，睇下時下啲賤man活得幾逍遙幾自在笑得幾淫賤就知。

點解我娘唔將我生得賤啲呢？點解我做咗廿五年人我都唔識學精學賤呢？

既然先天同後天都冇辦法改變到，咁我唯有繼續當一個上品人囖。

所以我必須出賣量度，施與你世間最美好嘅祝愿，賤中極品賤V先生：

冚家破產！老豆愛二奶，老母成怨婦，你同湛江小姐冇高潮冇仔生，你椰菜花上腦，湛江小姐乳癌末期。

好好過你嘅生活啦，我睇住你同佢點樣早晚不保。

Don't make me disappointed， Vodka.

祝福完畢，我決定轉身大步流星向前走，比寬恕與掌摑更高。

二零零九年，興許真如大家所講，系一個千載難逢適宜婚嫁的好年。

於是，一眾嬌俏貌美嘅好友紛紛蠢蠢欲動披上嫁衣，大無畏地奔向那神聖的婚姻殿堂。

 

肥波奔得尤其快。

情人節相識，090909登記註冊，聖誕節擺酒。

 

陳梁小花女士兒和陳阿牛在慢跑5年後也來了個衝刺。

某個一如平常的晚上，當小花把婚紗照發給我看的時候，那個夜忽然亮堂起來。

 

我真的很開心很歡樂很激動很雀躍！雖然結婚的不是我。

你們都選了我當伴娘，好吧，我也就義無反顧冒著嫁不出的危險，追隨在你們幸福的左右。

 

我文刀王君，以自己之名，爆肺超大聲容量向世界宣告，你們必須幸福一萬年！

聽到了嗎？

 

話說呢個周末，由於啱系溫州出差翻嚟，加上體質下降被疑似豬流感侵襲，我9點幾沖咗個涼就不敵睡意瞓咗喇。

感覺有啲浪費，難得一個周末。

但禮拜日早上瞓醒，撐大眼，有種久違嘅精神奕奕充斥全身，我愉悅得都想放聲歌唱鳥(*^__^*) ……

打算呢一日繼續系屋企好好放鬆，好好享受。

 

回想下呢次出trip去咗10日溫州，算系體驗咗一下有錢人嘅生活，見識咗好多嘢，亦學到好多嘢。

儘管呢個過程裡面夾雜好多醜陋嘢，儘管工作好攰，儘管十有八九系唔如意嘅，但我同自己講，值得嘅。

有啲模糊嘅嘢，好似開始清晰，我要學識積累資本，把握機會。

 

 

We break up finally, as u wish.

Coz u don't intend to get married in 5 years. U don't wanna drag me. And the family reasons u r not willing to tell me.

U even hope me to find a good man as soon as possible.

Ironic, really.

But doesn't matter. What u said is not important any more. The point is that u dump me, mercilessly.

Then u take the road not taken, I got my life. From now on, we never in any way related.

 

Actually I start to miss ur smile, ur kiss and ur embrace.

Sometimes I just cannot stop thinking about the happy days when we were together.

I do still have feelings for u, but I can do nothing except letting u go.

I should be very sad to cry with tears, as a loser in love.

But I don't. I just wanna be alone by myself to adapt to life without u slowly.

It's said that time can heal all, isn't it?

 

When I get well, there must be someone better waiting for me somewhere.

I deserve better.

 

謝謝你，在我連續上了六天班，星期六晚上還要加班搞什麽破員工生日晚會，累得10點回到家倒頭就睡的時候，還被你罵個狗血淋頭，叫我去死。

原因是你拼命敲門敲得一身大汗我都沒聽見，你進不了門。

 

謝謝你，在我委屈地哭了一個多小時累得睡過去的時候，在凌晨2點打電話給我，把我吵醒跟我說分手。

原因是你不打算結婚，自問無力給我想要的東西，你編得真好，時間也挑得好。

 

謝謝你們，在我孤獨寂寞茫然失意的生活裡，參雜進一大把毒鼠強，讓我五臟六腑全部爛掉，好爽！

生活好好玩哦，不要停，继续继续。

 

 

又落雨喇。半夜開始，未曾間斷。小到中雨再到瓢潑大雨，又慢慢轉細。

我一夜無眠，系度上網，媽媽系我身後面嘅床度瞓到ge ge聲，我聽住雨聲同媽媽鼻鼾聲重疊埋一齊，忍唔住偷笑。

“天光喇？依家幾點啊？”媽媽突然醒咗問我。

“4點咋，未天光，你繼續瞓啦。”

半個鐘後，媽媽又醒咗，起身落床行出房。我以為佢去廁所，點知成半個鐘都未見翻房。出去一睇，見佢系廚房又剁雞腳，又剝栗子。

“媽咪，你系度做乜啊？”

“做乜？系度煲湯俾你飲囖，我依家放啲雞腳豬骨同栗子落去煲住先，一陣再落去買隻木瓜翻嚟放埋落去煲就得架喇，你自己要注意睇火啊。”

其實媽媽今朝8點嘅車去HK，一去就半個月。臨走前，都煲定煲湯俾我。

望住佢肥騰騰著住套粉紅色心心睡衣嘅身影，時間好似突然定格咗兩秒，心裡面有咔嚓一聲。

未分開，我已經開始掛住媽媽喇。兩個人一齊，就算嗌交鬥氣，但點都系兩個人，我知道媽媽點都會翻嚟屋企煮飯俾我食，會好好照顧我呢條蛀米大蟲。

其實，我好中意食媽媽你煮嘅餸，好中意同媽媽你一齊食飯一齊睇電視一齊散步一齊行益華。我好唔中意屋企凈系得自己一個。

我幾時先可以大個女，可以唔怕孤獨，可以自理生活，可以養活自己，可以盡兒女孝道照顧翻媽媽呢？

 

OS：最近想做三件事。

想瞓覺。瞓到天昏地暗。

想揸筆學畫畫。相機太真實喇，生活系需要用畫筆去潤飾嘅。

想旅行。带住出走嘅心情，用身體做載體，放飛思想同靈魂。

 

      先解釋下標題，我辭職至今，已經有61個日子喇，換言之，我賦閒在家無所事事，亦已經有61個日子喇。

      系呢61個日子，我過著非正常人嘅生活，聞雞而眠，華燈初上便是我活動之時。更重要嘅系，我將獨處獨行獨立嘅精神最大限度地發揮得淋漓盡致。我基本上斷絕一切與外界人群嘅接觸同聯繫，一個人食飯，一個人出街買嘢，一個人娛樂，一個人消遣。

      其間娘親去咗HK半個月，因為要解決溫飽問題所以我不得不外出覓食。自娘親從HK歸來後，我只需安坐家中便能享受足量而好味嘅住家飯菜。而所謂嘅龍舟水，連綿不斷地落咗數日，幾乎一分鐘都冇停過。終上所述，我順理成章變身成為華麗嘅宅女。

      唔好誤會，我并沒有樂在其中享受呢種頹廢嘅蛀米大蟲式生活。其實，我無聊得發慌，甚至喪失了，記憶同知覺。我唔記得自己每一日系點過嘅。於是，光怪陸離嘅夢成為咗呢啲空白日子嘅點綴。我呢一世都未發過咁多夢，依家真系發到豬頭咁喇。夢境，真系好奇妙，完全脫離正常世界，不合邏輯地進行。我嘗試系殘存嘅夢境裡面發掘自己內心深處同潛意識要表達嘅某種信息，但不果，遂放棄。

      Vodka上四川都有一個幾月喇。對佢，偶爾會輕輕思念下。我哋系埋一齊嘅時間太少，一齊做過嘅嘢太少，但我始終記得我哋第一日見面時發生嘅種種，莫道“人生若只如初見”。偶爾又會輕輕抱怨下，原嚟兩個人并不一定比一個人開心，做人仲系要必須足夠強大，自己照顧好自己，呢個先至系王道。Anyway，兩性關係，順其自然囖~

      “堅持，便能靠近成功”，“好好珍惜，更加努力”，多謝肥班同肥班媽呢兩句說話，某程度上指引咗我思考同做人嘅態度。 呢段日子，就當我系系頹廢中學習和成長吧。

      加油，Jam！

    「女人在人生的每一個階段，對幸福有不同的詮釋。一天，她愛過了，經歷夠了，才忽然發現，肚子的幸福，是人生一大幸福。愛下廚的男人，自有另一種魅力。

當他以萬般柔情和君臨天下的姿態，為心愛的女人下廚房，女人只要坐著等吃便好了。激情何其短暫，在日復一日的生活中，在悠長的歲月中，將愛情化做味道與食

物的奇香，把幸福投射在情人細心的烹調上，擁抱一個愛煮飯的男人，才是得到了一張真正的長期飯票。」

                                                                                                                                                                        ——By 張 小嫻

 

   

    輕輕體會到，張小姐講以上呢一段話嘅心情。

    同佢拖住手，一齊去街市買餸，賣汕頭鹹菜嘅老闆娘盛贊我幸福，有男朋友煮飯俾我食。散步翻屋企，佢教我切椒絲切蔥段，剝蒜頭，洗蟹剮蟹，清理魚。幫佢

準備食材，心情系愉悅嘅，充滿期待佢好似變魔術咁做出一桌美味嘅菜肴。睇住佢赤裸上身，企系油煙彌漫嘅鍋頭前，手起鍋鏟落，又煎又炒咁，那個認真與性感喲！

    鯽魚鹹菜湯，姜蔥炒花蟹，蒜蓉炒甜菜心，豉汁蒸排骨。美味的幸福，先觸動味蕾，然後滿溢於心裡。

    真系希望，日子可以就咁簡單平淡地過，我坐系餐臺前，呢個男人為我安排一切。